Prunecluster’s Stories, Volume 1, Part 1: Cragmaw Cave.
So there we were… Cragmaw Cave. We’d just killed a bunch of goblins and had located their leader, known only as “the big one.” The ranger peeks into the small cavern to appraise the situation, then returns to us. “There’s a Bugbear, a worg, and… a goblin in a jester outfit.”
“Whut whut?” I ask. I take my craft seriously. There’s no way the goblin is a properly trained jester. At best he does some pratfalls and slapstick. He ain’t no artist. I cannot let this travesty stand. I fly into the room alone with a series of cartwheels, leaving my fellow travelers dumbstruck. I demonstrated some dance moves and ended with a challenge.
“I CHALLENGE YOU… TO A JEST-OFF!” I spat at the ugly like hack. The worg starts to get up, but the bugbear stops him, enthralled by my performance, “Proceed,” he tells the goblin.
I bust out my iron golem dance while the goblin goes for the snake. *Pssht*, the snake. Anyone can do the snake- hell, my grandma taught me the snake. Figures that a stupid bugbear would like it better. Realising the brute only valued physical prowess and not nuance, I decided to display my acrobatic skills. The bugbear was awestruck by my ending flourish.
“You’re fired,” the Bugbear said to the goblin, motioning to the worg, who leapt on to the goblin and ripped out his throat.
“You ready for my next trick?” I asked, and began weaving an intricate version of the Dwarven Aristocrats, with just a tinge of magic. Had it worked, he’d have been doubled over on the floor, laughing uncontrollably… unfortunately, he found dwarven culture too refined for his tastes. The bugbear grew violent, at which point I beat a hasty retreat out of the room with bugbear and worg hot on my heels. Boy were they surprised when they found my friends waiting for them around the corner…
If there’s one thing I hate more than an hack jester, it’s an ungrateful crowd.