Dear Signature Consulting…

My resume says “does not wish to relocate.”

1) You’re calling me about a position in Iowa. I live in Michigan. It says Michigan on my resume. Right next to “does not wish to relocate.” You think I’m gonna bite? Even if (on the off chance) the job paid a small fortune… really? Iowa? IT’S WINTER! Michigan is cold, but at least there’s stuff to look at here. …Now, if it was in Tahiti you might get my attention.

2) Stop calling. You’re calling my wife’s phone and I’m working 3rd shift currently, so I’m a) not gonna get your call and b) not gonna call back if you’re calling about a job I said I wasn’t interested in. If I don’t return your call, I’m not interested. My resume already says I’m not interested. Evan, I’m looking at you. Stop calling.

3) Oh, and as a side note, you guys should get together and figure out a system of “one recruiter per resume per position,” because if I tell Dan “no thanks,” Gary, Ed, Frank, Little Joey, Hooch, Evan and Ringo aren’t gonna have any more luck. To the guy I spoke to on the phone, you’re cool; I was right there, you were non-obnoxious, and took no for an answer. The rest of you? You can stop now… not that I expect you to stop.

The funny part is I’m not actively looking for a job; I just never remove my resume from monster- never know when opportunity will come knocking; but it’s knuckleheads like these than make me want to take it down.