Archive for January, 2010


(03:42:42 PM) Jackie: do you know what your son did!?
(03:46:06 PM) Jesse Morgan: ?
(03:52:19 PM) Jackie: we made it to KFC, he was good. He fell asleep in the car and woke up slightly when we got here. He went back to bed oh so well. That was my first mistake
(03:53:09 PM) Jackie: he says he has to go to the bathroom. Much to my dismay, he already had and had spent a few minutes painting his wall and window

That was two days ago. Needless to say, Ian hasn’t had a fun two days. He lost a bunch of toys, no dessert, etc. and while I knew I hadn’t gotten through to him, I at least thought we’d discouraged him from ever doing it again.

Silly daddy.

So here’s the timeline:

6:30am: Ian wakes up, pounds on his door, Jackie lets him into our room, turns on saturday morning cartoons for him, and he sits in his chair. This is routine. He gets some cheese from the fridge, is well behaved, and generally smells like a rose. I am still unconscious, oblivious to the world, and Jackie goes back to sleep.

8:00am: Ian drops a deuce in his footie pajamas. Rather than let us know, he squishes it around until it oozes out the top of his diaper like a $20 playdoh toy. He’s still in footie pajamas, so it’s contained.

8:15am: Ian starts jumping around the bed and all over jackie. I vaguely wake up when he climbs over end of the bed and Jackie starts screaming at him. I comment something smells like shit and roll back over. Jackie sits him back down and goes back to sleep. At this point neither of us has really “woken up.”

8:30am: Tired of sitting in his own filth, he strips out of his poo-covered pajamas and throws them downstairs. Thankfully the weight of this excrement makes it land like a badminton birdie, and it folded over on itself when it hit, sealing in the sludge.

8:31am: realizing his hands are now covered in poop, Ian comes into MY BEDROOM and proceeds to do cave paintings on the mirror in our bedroom (the closet door).

8:32am: hands “clean”, the boy sits down in Jackie’s 40+ year old rocking chair, smearing his crap all over the 1960’s fabric. As he sits down, shit is smeared down the edge of our bed and bedding, where the chair rests.

8:35am: Ian wants to “climb in bed and cuddle with the baby,” and proceeds to climb on top of jackie’s side of the bed and across her pillow. The thing you have to understand is our bed is in the corner, so I am separated from all of this. Jackie opens her eyes and sees his fecal stained hands and rightly freaks the fuck out. She grabs Ian and runs to the bathroom. I bolt upright and see the turdstains on her side of the bed AND PILLOW. I put on my glasses and look towards the foot of the bed and see the poo on the mirror.

8:40am: At this point Jackie has ian on his potty seat, which looks like a truckstop crapper.I call her in to see the mirror and she goes off. I survey the room looking for other sources of the stench, and see the edge of our $1500 bed smeared with shit as well as the chair, I go numb.

We then spend the next hour cleaning, bleaching, washing and scolding.

Did I mention Jackie’s having a bunch of people over today? Yeah, she’s having a party… and our house smells like shit and bleach.


For the new job, I had to go out and get my own cellphone.  Since my last workphone had been Sprint (and that’s what Jackie has), I figured I’d stay with them. My last three phones had also been blackberries, and while they’d been fairly reliable, I couldn’t turn down the chance to get a new, shiny android phone.

I did a bit of research and found out there were only two android phones that sprint carried- the Hero and the Moment. I ended up choosing the Moment since I preferred the physical keyboard. Jackie and I upgraded her plan to family everything plan and away we went with one month to cancel if I didn’t like it.

Samsung Moment

The moment got off to a rough start.

  • Keyboard – The keyboard keys were tiny and smooth, which made it harder to type than a blackberry, despite the keyboard being wider. The tactile feel of it just wasn’t there.
  • Holster – They didn’t have a holster, only a belt clip, and it had the screen facing out, meaning I’d activate it when my wrist brushed up against it; I nearly made two emergency calls this way.
  • Slider – Since the phone slid open and didn’t have a holster, it would also get caught on my coat our office chair arm and get slid open. on top of that it felt wobbly when open, like you could accidentally snap it in half.
  • Camera – The optics were just bad. pictures were always fuzzy, and god forbid it was dark, because you couldn’t get people to hold still long enough for the picture to snap.
  • Touchpad – I’m not sure what the deal with the touchpad is, but it’s entirely too sensitive- you either press it too lightly and it doesn’t work, or you press too hard and it scrolls 3 places. the mechanics of it were hard to figure out- was it a slider like the kindle? a sloppy keyboard nub? a directional pad? I still don’t know, it was too sloppy.
  • Battery – The final nail in the coffin was a twofer; poor signal at home and at work. Since I spent most of my time in the basement (at both home and work), I somewhat expected the signal to be poor; but I didn’t expect to go to roaming several times an hour. This of course killed the battery, leaving a fully charged battery at 20% by noon, requiring a recharge for the next hour or so. I’d get home, go to the basement, and by 8pm need yet another charge. This got old real quick.

My first reaction was to go back to Sprint and make sure the phone wasn’t defective. They tried to “change frequencies” on it with a system reset, but it did no good. Truth be told I had already made up my mind, and just went in to get their pamphlet  with the plans for comparison’s sake.

After I decided to dump sprint, I tried to take the phone back (with two weeks to spare). Funny thing tho, when I bought the phone on the ~23rd of December, the packaging got recycled with the rest of the Christmas packaging. Little did I know that, by losing this 30 cent box, I could no longer return my $400 retail value phone, and by canceling the plan, I had to pay the $200 difference.

Needless to say I was furious, and the “tough shit” attitude from the counter jockeys who’d previously been decent did not help the situation. After I stormed out, jackie canceled the service with the intent of calling sprint’s customer service to deal with the rest. From there we went to the Verizon store. While I spoke to the Verizon people, Jackie rained fired and brimstone through her own phone until the sprint rep agreed to send us packaging so we could return the phone and be refunded. So we are back to square one at this point; I need a phone, and jackie’s plan is back to normal.

Motorola Droid

When I looked at android phones, I initially didn’t limit my search to sprint; the one phone that impressed me the most was the Droid, however a combination of crappy website, confusing plans and 30 minute wait in-store left me feeling like verizon was doing everything in it’s power to keep me from giving them money.

After realizing Sprint wasn’t a viable option, I waited the half hour and talked with the verizon rep. The verizon plan cost more and offered less, but honestly only cost $15 more a month. For the time being, Jackie is staying with sprint until next november, when she’ll transfer her number over to Verizon.

So, how is the droid?

  • Keyboard – Despite the keys being more crowded, their simple square shape and feedback lets you know when you press the button.
  • Holster – The holster slid in nicely and kept the screen facing inward. No more accidental 911 calls. That, plus the design of the holster prevents it from opening while in place.
  • Slider – On the verge of being “too hard” to open; it requires a good grip to open, and that’s not a bad thing in my book.
  • Camera – Faster reaction time to take a picture, but I haven’t played with it much. More settings for controlling focus, quality, etc.
  • Touchpad – despite the gold design making me think it was a fingerprint scanner, it turns out it’s a very obvious directional pad with a good feel to it.
  • Battery -  4 bars in my basement. 4 bars at work. After running from 6am-2am, the battery is at 60%.

That said, the droid isn’t perfect. In the dark it’s hard to tell which end is up, and when the alarm is going off, trying to find the power button is impossible.

The real test of the droid will be my attempts to write apps for it. I have a couple ideas in mind, so hopefully I’ll get a chance to toy with the Android toolkit. I played with it on the moment and found it slightly limited, but hey, it’s better than anything I had with the blackberry.

Anyways, the end result of the comparison is Verizon and Droid  beat the hell out of the moment, and it’s definitely worth the extra money if ya know, you value your phone conversations.

Ok, enough incoherent rambling, time for bed. Spellcheck tomorrow.

Rough Draft complete! The Autobiography of Ziggy Swift: The Fall

The second half of Ziggy’s autobiography has finally reached the finished rough draft stage. I was just starting the 3rd draft of The Rise when November (NaNoWriMo) struck, and I dropped everything to begin The Fall. Now that the rough draft of The Fall is complete, I can go back to revising the The Rise. It’s been a wild journey tracking this story; my initial vision had been a single book, but it quickly grew into something larger than that.

My hope is that the book is enjoyable and compelling; if/when I finish these and they’re well received, I’ll continue to write. There’s plenty in Ziggy’s world that needs telling- the origins of Willis, the fall of King Vern, and of course the trilogy that is supposed to follow Ziggy’s story, which will be the next set I do. After that I have two or three more books about Ziggy to write.

In the meantime, I’ll just be happy to finish these two. Maybe someday I’ll get around to revising and finishing Sinblade and the half dozen other non-Willis books I have floating around in my head.

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