I see Dead People

This is a followup with another developer about DeveloperX…

(02:23:21 PM) me: hrm…
(02:23:25 PM) DeveloperY: 🙂
(02:24:18 PM) DeveloperY: man can i go beat whoever developerx is
(02:24:30 PM) DeveloperY: omfg
(02:24:47 PM) DeveloperY: seriously they should get crucified
(02:25:03 PM) DeveloperY: who the heck can be that retarded
(02:25:10 PM) DeveloperY: to not know wtf release is
(02:25:37 PM) DeveloperY: grrrrrrrrrr i’m gonna get out some 4x4s and iron nails ’cause somebody needs to get crucified for being an idiot
(02:30:37 PM) DeveloperY: man i’m still trying to figure out who that dev is
(02:31:04 PM) me: that developer is a good guy, but he does dimwitted things now and again
(02:31:41 PM) DeveloperY: hmmm
(02:31:51 PM) DeveloperY: they’re not female
(02:32:15 PM) me: we have a list of dimwitted things this guy has done
(02:32:35 PM) DeveloperY: its not DeveloperA
(02:32:38 PM) DeveloperY: its not DeveloperB
(02:32:43 PM) DeveloperY: its not DeveloperC
(02:32:45 PM) me: for example, asking a 9 month pregnant woman if she want’s to go out for a beer on thursday
(02:32:50 PM) DeveloperY: oh jesus
(02:33:13 PM) DeveloperY: man is it who i replaced?
(02:33:43 PM) DeveloperY: its not DeveloperD
(02:33:47 PM) DeveloperY: hes too smart
(02:33:58 PM) DeveloperY: i only have 2 candidates left
(02:35:41 PM) me: his application passes plaintext usernames and passwords via get strings
(02:36:07 PM) DeveloperY: hmmmmm must be outside consumer
(02:36:39 PM) DeveloperY: idk who it is but i really wanna give them a good kicking in the ass up and down the hall
(02:37:03 PM) me: on *many* occasions, I’ve had to help debug their code because they couldn’t see what was wrong.
(02:37:09 PM) DeveloperY: omfg
(02:37:33 PM) DeveloperY: i’m in the first stage, denial
(02:38:03 PM) me: I could give it away very easy with the next incident
(02:39:16 PM) me: what the hell. I had to explain why register_globals is a bad thing to have enabled on apache
(02:40:15 PM) DeveloperY: crap.idk who that is
(02:40:41 PM) DeveloperY: man maybe DeveloperE
(02:43:30 PM) me: this developer didn’t know svn creates a .svn directory when you check something out, so doing an rm -rf * won’t “unlink” a directory from a repository.
(02:43:44 PM) DeveloperY: omfg kick kick kick
(02:44:03 PM) DeveloperY: SHOULD NOT BE DEVELOPER
(02:44:12 PM) DeveloperY: CRUCIFY IMMEDIATELY
(02:45:27 PM) me: well, think hard about it
(02:45:36 PM) me: there’s obviously something different about this developer
(02:45:39 PM) me: he comes from another world
(02:46:23 PM) DeveloperY: to this degree i can only put DeveloperE & DeveloperF
(02:46:30 PM) DeveloperY: there maybe others but idk them
(02:46:39 PM) me: yes you do
(02:46:43 PM) me: you’re thinking too hard
(02:47:18 PM) DeveloperY: seriously i don’t think i know em
(02:47:32 PM) DeveloperY: like maybe hi in the hall and blah blah when we’re getting coffee
(02:47:52 PM) me: who would deal with register globals? who wouldn’t use svn that much? who is generally a nice guy who says dumb things?
(02:48:01 PM) me: at any point in this conversation, did I mention java?
(02:48:25 PM) DeveloperY: no…
(02:48:43 PM) me: who doesn’t write java?
(02:48:48 PM) DeveloperY: oh shit
(02:48:59 PM) DeveloperY: [DEVELOPERX]???
(02:49:06 PM) me: THE PHONE CALL IS COMING FROM THE HOUSE!
(02:49:10 PM) DeveloperY: rofl
(02:49:14 PM) DeveloperY: but [DEVELOPERX] does java now
(02:49:24 PM) DeveloperY: for last month or so
(02:49:35 PM) me: meaning he’s not familiar with the process of building
(02:49:48 PM) DeveloperY: oh that sucks.i like [DEVELOPERX].
(02:49:50 PM) DeveloperY: d’oh
(02:49:54 PM) me: haha, exactly
(02:50:05 PM) DeveloperY: crap i sat with him about subversion & php before too
(02:50:09 PM) DeveloperY: i was thinking too hard
(02:50:19 PM) me: you can totally picture him walking up to stacey and asking her if she wants to go get a beer, too, cantcha?
(02:50:36 PM) DeveloperY: sigh
(02:50:39 PM) me: hahah
(02:50:49 PM) me: this is common to php devs
(02:50:59 PM) me: they’re not used to structure and procedure
(02:51:08 PM) DeveloperY: ya
(02:51:09 PM) DeveloperY: shit
(02:51:13 PM) DeveloperY: i shoulda seen all that
(02:51:31 PM) me: btw, he doesn’t know aobut the developerx post
(02:51:36 PM) DeveloperY: i ain’t sharin’ that
(02:51:41 PM) me: cool
(02:52:09 PM) DeveloperY: hmmmmmm crap i reviewed some of his php code before too
(02:52:09 PM) DeveloperY: shit
(02:52:26 PM) DeveloperY: i never thought about it ’cause he’s so nice
(02:53:09 PM) DeveloperY: i thought it was just natural for php pages to just look like someone to a shit on a plate of spaghetti
(02:53:35 PM) DeveloperY: crap.
(02:53:41 PM) DeveloperY: that’s why he got moved to email on custom.
(02:53:55 PM) DeveloperY: I SEE DEAD PEOPLE
(02:54:13 PM) DeveloperY: i feel like i just watched the end of a movie that made the rest of the movie make sense
(02:55:43 PM) DeveloperY: that’s why he sat in our room
(02:56:01 PM) DeveloperY: arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she’s not talking to mebecause i’m dead and i’m bruce willis!
(02:56:09 PM) DeveloperY: i see dead people!!!!
(02:56:34 PM) DeveloperY: damn you for taking the curtain away from oz 🙂
(02:56:46 PM) me: I really wish I had more examples
(02:57:00 PM) me: do you know what register globals are?
(02:57:47 PM) DeveloperY: crap that must been from
(02:57:58 PM) DeveloperY: php
(02:57:58 PM) DeveloperY: fuck
(02:58:10 PM) DeveloperY: oh no
(02:58:13 PM) DeveloperY: noooooo