Heidi Klum is watching you sleep.

So I had the following dream last night right before I woke up. It’s still pretty vivid in my head.

Jackie’s friend PJ lives in the area and is sort of an SCA nut. For some reason, in the dream, she owned a small hole-in-the-wall cafe, and ran a wiccan group out of there (she’s not wiccan in reality). One day she was throwing a party and her wiccan friends were there. One of them looked familiar and I knew she was a model- So I looked up her name on the coven’s website and saw it said ‘Heidi’. I then knew it was Heidi Klum.

So we start casually talking and I get this idea. I sorta grin and ask her, “How warped are you?” She asks why, and I explain my idea. She agrees with my plan because she agrees it would be funny.

24 hours later I have a picture of Ian sleeping in his crib with Heidi Klum staring through the bars with a focused/hungry/disturbed look on her face, and I caption it “Heidi Klum is watching you sleep.”

I put the picture in Ian’s baby book and everyone is looking at me like I’m insane. My reasoning is this: when he’s 20 and in college, he’ll wanna show that to all his friends because GODDAMN that’s cool.

So Heidi, if you happen to stumble across this and would like to help me, I still want to do this, because, damn, it would be cool. Self-mockery is a way of showing people you do have a sense of humor.

And honestly, if any supermodels are reading this, it doesn’t have to be Heidi Klum- it could be any other hot, well known supermodel.